Thats why Im a fan of monorails. Q: Why is Duck not a very useful engine?A: Because his windshield is qwacked. I dont believe you, can you slide it under the door? He snapped back annoyedly. What do you call a locomotive that keeps sneezing? The yellow bits are sweet corn, I said. If youre interested in reading train jokes one-liners, then take a closer look at the following list! /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. I once asked a conductor how many times a train he was on had gotten derailed. A: A chew, chew train. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilots jacket and hat.You wanna know why I love trains?They end my suffering.Why was I stress eating on the train track?To wait to get hit.Why cant a steam locomotive sit down?Because it has a tender behind.Why did timmy drop his ice cream coneHe got hit by a train. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. The three of them rushed out of the bar onto the platform only to discover that they had just missed the train.The next train is in one hour, intoned the stationmaster.The three went back into the bar. Posted February 7, 2004. They ask him what hed like for his last meal. Theyre really good at covering their tracks. Yo mama so dirty, a pressure washer couldn't even get her clean. What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? Q: What wobbles when it flies? Three blondes are walking through a forest when they spot tracks on the ground. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. It leaves tracks. He doesnt care that he cant drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The train conductor was feeling silly and decided to wear platform shoes to work. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. The man starts running in mid-air. There are many exciting and humorous jokes about trains that are suitable for people of all ages. All Rights Reserved. He told me it was hard to keep track. 2. 20 Best Train Jokes & Puns that Go the Extra Mile Prepare to derail the conversation with these totally funny train jokes and puns. Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride, from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC. Q: Why can't a steam locomotive sit down? A: Because people are always crossing it! at gas stations you climb out the cab window and up over the back of the truck to get to the gas cap. At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. */. A: A chew, chew train. If I was the judge, I'd sentence you to my bed. Three Scots and three Irishmen are traveling by train to a conference. Joke has 85.78 % from 2120 votes. They can just keep chugging.Wow, you really have to hand it to ticket inspectors. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air-craft normally flies at it. There was a murder on a train do you know if the suspect was caught? So I click on the icon that says Home and then it makes me start again. What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? 90. 96. All rights reserved. Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. Sure thing, no problem. 72. now, cause this is the last stop! Whats another name for a freight train thats transporting gum? I said, If you think shes beautiful, you should see my girlfriend.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_15',664,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); Why did the pioneers use covered wagons to move out west? Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,". Little Johnny Jokes. No one would ever find out how hard he trained, because he never got a platform to share it. Shortly afterwards, one of the Scots leaves his bathroom and walks over to the bathroom where the Irishmen are hiding. Some of those jokes are dirty jokes (never appropriate but) always funny. I guess hes just really into one-liners.Even the toughest train engineer needs a brake to let off some steam.A railroad conductor needs to make sure he doesnt go down the wrong track and lose his train of thought.Train conductors are clever and known for their engine-uity.What do you call a train with buble gum?A chew chew train.My boss yelled at me the other day, Youve got to be the worst train driver in history. It was an ex-press train. One of them said its a deer. The other said it No its a coyote. The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.You mama is like train tracks she gets laid all around the country.Say what you want about Hitler at least he got the trains to run on time.A Man and a Cow are stuck on train tracks and There is a Train in the distance about to hit both of them. He was very upset and every time he remembered that it was because he was in the last couch. The train company had safety issues for years but were always able to cover their tracks. The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it. A single banana, he says. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. 30+ Funny Train Jokes And Puns! | LaffGaff, Home Of Laughter After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp "Sex is like playing Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" (Photo: Getty Image) By Alex. The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. I always like chewing gum on the train. Said to a railroad engineer: Whats the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.The reply from the railroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didnt have a schedule?. A train was going very, very slowly, and a group of tourists were growing increasingly impatient. You have a locomotive.Why did the ghost get fired from his job at the railroad? Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. We know all about your little banana trick, and youre not escaping this time!. Its so hard to keep track.. Jokes About Trains - Clean Jokes About Trains - Fun Kids Jokes The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends. I guess hes just really into one liners! 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side Ready to explore these jokes about train? returning and want to get on, get your . Why are you laughing?Gordon smiled, They only came to see me off.. I paid you 100 francs so you wake me up in Mannheim. Ticket inspectors. 35 Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Spread Laughter (For Adults Only Conductors can be quite intimidating when you get them angry. Farther on down the line, the second engine broke down, and the train slowed to a dead stop. I dont want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive. 60 Rib-cracking Electrician Jokes To Light Up Your Mood I was having a poop in the toilet on the train when the conductor knocked on the door. His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineers chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. This train doesnt even STOP in Victoria!, 60. The Daily English Show. Q: What do you get when you cross a Thomas Train and Shakespeare?A: Toby or not toby, that is the question! How are you going to travel without a ticket? says one perplexed Irishman.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-3','ezslot_29',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-3-0'); Watch and youll see, answers one of the Scots. Lets start the fun with these puns! Choose your size on Amazon! 34. Since you have freed me from the lantern, you can make a wish, the genie who was attired in coveralls and an engineers hat announced.I thought genies always granted three wishes, the railfan said.Those are the lamp and bottle guys, the genie explained.The train fan nodded his understanding.Okay then lets have a request unless you want to stand around and discuss waning wizard wishes.The railfan quickly replied, I would like a railroad built to Hawaii.The genie stared at the railfan and shook his head. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. He isnt strong enough to lift either of them.What do you call a train that likes toffee?A chew-chew train.A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a young woman. Theyre just fun! 44. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people. Deep. When things look bad you just have to keep calm and carriage on. Then I can dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform.Will that work?Its worth a try.As they approached the platform, the train is slowing from 50 MPH. Being a train conductor requires you to get up early in the morning. The T-shirts were chosen for their light and breathable material and, of course, their funny, lighthearted design and message. She lies down on the bed just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. 71. 7. Dont be afraid to bring one up randomly in casual conversations as well (like when youre meeting parents). Its an electric train. They have eyes. Just then the husband walks in. He tried to cover his tracks. How do you find a missing train? 30. Before you continue reading the other 95 train jokes, puns, and crazy laws, I want to share with you a top I put together especially for people who like a good laugh! As I was on the train on the way home last night, I thought hat a good topic for this week's puns and one-liners would be train jokes, so here are a collection of railway related gags. At the station, the three Irishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three Scots buy only a single ticket. Here is 100 francs for the favor. 11. I was able to pick up a few railway buffers for cheap the other day. A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people. I swear train conductors never get in trouble. Young Gordon was with his parents and they were taking refreshments in the bar at Reading station when they heard a whistle. Give an unforgettable gift and make your loved ones laugh today! Whats the angriest piece of track? 100 + of the Best Laffy Taffy Jokes. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. "What," he says, "are you doing here!?!" I assume you want diesel power.. A chew chew train! No matter where you are, youll never see happy railroad tracks. But I have to get off there! he insisted.Well, there might be one thing I can do. 92. Ive been meaning to make a list of bad railroad punsbut I keep getting side tracked. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how hed done it. Passenger: How long will the next train be, will it run on time?Porter: Same as usual, sir; three carriages and it will run on rails!. His last meal request is a single banana. Q: What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing?A: Its shadow. How are three people going to travel on only one ticket? asks an Irishman. About that Hawaii thing. Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one, but it doesnt help, he punches a hole in the new one. Read on to have a good laugh and learn a joke or two to share withyour friends and family. A list of 48 Train puns! What does a monster see when it sees a train full of passengers? 18. A railfan was walking along the tracks when he came across an old lantern covered with ash and dirt. Its a freight day to go for a ride on a train.If you spend too much time walking on railroad tracks it might leave you feeling run down.The conductor has never missed a day of work in over 20 years on the job.He was there come train or shine.You can always tell when a train driver is stressed because they bite their rails.The conductor was right in the middle of her presentation when she lost her train of thought.Embarrassed, she quickly disembarked from the room.Did you know that train conductors make great thieves?Theyre really good at covering their tracks.Its hard to find anyone with more focus than a conductor.They have complete tunnel vision.How does a train avoid detection?It covers its tracks.I once asked a conductor how many times a train he was on had gotten derailed.He told me it was hard to keep track.Why do trains take so long to arrive on Halloween?Theyre running with a skeleton service.I was able to pick up a few railway buffers for cheap the other day.I took advantage of an end-of-the-line sale.Its always great working with a train conductor.Theyre always ready to take one for the steam.What does a monster see when it sees a train full of passengers?A chew chew train.Conductors can be quite intimidating when you get them angry.Make sure you dont yank their train!Everyone seems to have a crush on the train conductor.Theyre quite at-track-tive.Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. Train Jokes - Puns And One Liners Score: 687. When he picked up the lantern and began cleaning it, naturally, a genie suddenly appeared. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. When his train was pulling to a stop, she heard him. Apparently, it's an end of line sale. I wasnt surprised to see every person there was wearing platforms.Remember the good old days of railways, when everyone had plenty of esteem. At a station stop, the railroad's president walked up to the locomotive and spoke to the engineer. I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. Train: A train is a form of rail transport consisting of a series of connected vehicles that generally run along a railroad (or railway) track to transport passengers . if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); It trained every day.Why did the train thief camouflage the railway? Q: What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time?A: Choo choo!. I want you to be the girl who takes my virginity. 41 Hilarious Dirty Jokes to Laugh Your Heart Out (NSFW) - Witty Companion My boss told me, "You are the worst train driver ever. 28. Reading between the lines can be extremely dangerous, particularly if you are at a train station. He was just a really bad conductor.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-2','ezslot_28',194,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-2-0'); What noise does a train make when its sick? Yo mama is so dirty, she's like a hockey player only showers . The inspector released a statement saying "These people do tend to cum in pears." Why did the train have bubble gum? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); 50 Chooga, Chug, and Chuff Funny Train Puns and Jokes I guess that's why I like monorails so much! The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, Yes I am., He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. Train conductors are known for their drinking. Embarrassed, he quickly disembarked the room.No one would ever find out how hard he trained, because he never got a platform to share it.The train company had safety issues for years but were always able to cover their tracks. Q: Why can't the engineer be electrocuted? He had to give it back.How do trains hear?Through their engineers.What do you call a pretend railway station?A play station.Why was the train engine humming? 100. Shes quite at-track-tive. Here are some dirty Little Johnny jokes that are definitely rated-R and may be too hot to handle! A: Because he's not a conductor! Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them. Train really hard. 75. Ive always been driven by the joy of monorails.Well, one thing Ill say about ticket inspectors is that youve certainly got to hand it to them.Reading between the lines can be extremely dangerous, particularly if you are at a train station.I handed in my notice today and left my job as a newspaper reporter. 50. Its a freight day to go for a ride on a train. Before he faces his sentence, hes offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The ex-press train. Did you know that train conductors make great thieves? A man and his wife check into a hotel. Why did the elephant refuse to travel on the train? Related Topics. The train driver was overloaded with work, but he just kept chugging along. 67 Train Puns And Jokes To Derail Any Conversation! When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. Son: Dad, I want to be a train conductor but I dont know where to start. Later, as the man had said, he did fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized he was in Frankfurt. Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity. Within a weeks time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one. Your email address will not be published. We'll give you 24. A large two engine train was crossing America. His mum says from the storks. Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. The design with its clear black lines on clear grey sends the right message immediately. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side, 145 Short Dirty Jokes That Bring More Adult Humor, 155 Best Wedding Jokes to Kick off Your Speech, 150 Hilarious Tree Jokes to Fresh Your Mind, 152 Hilarious Wine Jokes to Make Conversation More Enjoyable, 151 Hilarious Tomato Jokes That Are So Juicy, 151 Hilarious Tennis Jokes Guaranteed to Leave You Rolling. Looking for train jokes and jokes about trains? 5. The first blonde said: "These look like deer tracks." Ive always liked one-liners. while stopped at a RR Crossing for a long train, the other drivers are swearing and shaking their fists, but youre smiling and waving at the engineer & conductor. If the windshield doesnt break, its likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight.The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. A: Because people are always crossing it! A cross tie. 3. Two strangers, a man and a woman, are sharing a sleeper cab on an overnight train. They are cute because they rhyme and kids say them a lot. A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. Faster! He lowers the man and the mans feet touch the platform. A: The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says "Choo Choo Choo!" You can see for yourself what I mean by scrolling through this list. 23. He had to keep track of everything! 1. Railroad workers need to be sure they always keep their train of thought, or else they might go down the wrong track and get someone hurt. Adult dirty riddle jokes are some of the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes. 95. To their astonishment, the Scots dont buy a ticket at all. Theres never been a failure before. A minor slip-up could have devastating consequences. One of them said, "This is is longest stairway I have ever been on." Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb? I have to get off this train in Mannheim, but Im very tired and Im sure I will fall asleep. I guess thats why I like monorails so much! Q: What do you give a train driver for Christmas?A: Platform shoes! A man gets hit by a train and loses his legs A man loses his legs in a train accident and when hes rushed to hospital the only available transplant are a child's so he gets the surgery and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain the nurse runs up and says 'sir is it your legs' and the man goes 'no' 'its my kidneys' Every time the train stopped at a station he faced many problems, as all shops to purchase eatables were far off. If you can make people laugh with only one or two sentences - you can call yourself a truly funny person! ToyTrainCenter.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train. A: Because it has a tender behind. Here are some of the jokes I found on the back of the LaffyTaffy candy packages. 88. Lets skip sidings and go for double tracks from Honolulu to LA. I've always been a big fan of a funny one-liner. Beano Jokes Team Last Updated: August 11th 2022 This is the announcement for all passengers on platform 4. So which jokes about train are your favorite? At a station stop, the railroads president walked up to the locomotive and spoke to the engineer. So, look at these clean train jokes that you can tell for everyone. Because they arent conductors.How did the locomotive get so good at its job? The conductor has never missed a day of work in over 20 years on the job. Oh, and did I mention that with every purchase, youll also get a FREE greeting card and a pendant? Q: When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train?A: When its on the train. He knocks on the bathroom door and says, Ticket, please.. Q: There was a train with passengers inside. 3.-. You can always tell when a train driver is stressed because they bite their rails. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. Response to passenger complaint about increased sleeping car fares:The berth rate has gone up since your last trip., 78. By following the tracks.Who solves railway crimes?Scotland Train-Yard.What happened to the man who took the evening train home? When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. I've always been a big fan of a funny one-liner. They were still arguing when the train hit them. 9. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. The male whale recognized the ship that caught his dad whale a year ago. I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you. Watch and youll see, answered an engineer.When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another nearby. The T-shirt is made of ring-spun cotton, which makes it both light and breathable. A few years ago, I decided to visit my sister who was living in France. I obviously took the ex-press train back home.I went to a railway fancy dress party at the weekend. you enjoy being woken up at 2:36 AM by the sound of a train passing by. You can see for yourself what I mean by scrolling through this list. Train Jokes - Railroad Jokes - Jokes4us.com 13. Look at you, panting away. The young man took a deep breath and said, Pop, I missed this train at the last station., 61. The crossing lights are not flashing and no trains are coming, but you slow to a crawl and look up the track both ways in hope of seeing a train. They can just keep chugging. No matter what, the train I regularly take home is always late. I need to catch the 10 oclock train to Dublin.The man at the other end said Well, we are very busy at the moment but well have a taxi out to you as soon as we possibly can, but dont worry, the 10 oclock is always late.The first man then said, It certainly will be today, Im the driver., 53. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees whats happened and asks the desert man, Whyd you ruin my good tea kettle? The desert man replies, Man, you gotta kill these things when theyre small., 48. What do you call a train that cant stop sneezing?Achoo-choo train.What did the train driver say to the lady who wanted to know how long the next train would be and if it would run on time? Hes running at 30 MPH. Basically, theyre always up to something and theyll definitely enjoy the message on this grey T-shirt. Joke #3864. The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? One tells you not to chew gum, while the other says Choo-choo.Why was the railway so angry?Because people kept crossing it.Why cant train engineers be electrocuted? Q: Why is that train engine humming?A: It doesnt know the words. When he got in he said to the ticket man, Sir, I really need you to do me a favor. A chew-chew train. 84. A young man has just told me about a great offer on railway buffers. Searching for train puns and jokes? Theyre always ready to take one for the steam. Teachers and railroad security are more similar than you might think. Q: What do you call a train that eats toffee? A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. More jokes about: age, dirty, health, love, marriage. I wanted to put together this list of funny train puns a while ago, but I just kept getting side tracked. It leaves tracks.No one would ever find out how hard he trained because he never got a platform to share it.A locomotive conductor can only think of one thing at a time. Then the train will run again." "No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. And you didnt! One trains the mind, the other minds the trainsI know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. The cops were investigating the recent theft of a train. 68. His heel comes off! I guess that's why I like monorails so much! Embarrassed, he quickly disembarked the room. The conductor kept telling me funny train puns, and it was hard to keep a freight face. They have a red caboose! To their astonishment, the engineers didnt buy a ticket at all. 24 Inappropriate Jokes That Are So Dirty, Theyre Actually Funny - MensXP All rights reserved. 91. 79 Dirty Jokes So Racy, You'll Want to Cover Your Eyes - Best Life If they make the cut (as a stalwart humor publisher we have very high standards) well be sure to include them. The woman sees the same conductor walking past again.She leans out of the window and yells What happened? 17. Police have arrested a man for having se* with fruit, but they suspect a second perpetrator may still be at large. Copyright 2023 O-hand.com. Every detail needs to be kept track of. All Aboard! 60+ Train Puns And Jokes That'll Have Your Kids Yelling
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