Mark Goff/Bettmann Archive, via Getty Images, was shown on a recent broadcast of the MSNBC program 11th Hour., He despised euphemism and the policing of language, a routine from his 1999 special, You Are All Diseased,, which was criticized as transphobic and prompted walkouts at Netflix. , If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. My mom used to say "if you can't say something nice about someone, come in and I'll put the kettle on". GEORGE CARLIN POST 9-11 (His wife had recently died) Isnt it amazing that the George Carlin gross and mouthy comedian of the 70s and 80s could write something so very eloquent. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. During his 50-year career, irreverent comedian George Carlin stood in front of his audiences, questioning, condemning, and cutting through what he called "middle class crap." Carlin was arrested in Milwaukee in 1972 on obscenity and disorderly conduct charges. Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. [laughter] In America, anyone can become president. The game is rigged.. Let us know what you think! Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. George Carlin, I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. Maybe this time itll work.. WebGeorge Carlin Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Have you checked the dumbster out back? That fight was already won, Maron said. A wonderful Message by George Carlin: 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, p.193, Hachette UK, George Carlin (1998). Quotes Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you die, it all stays here. When the sun returns, I will resume my life. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I was conceived in a damp, sand-flecked room of Curley's Hotel in Rockaway Beach, New York. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion, George Carlin (2004). As Kelly Carlin explained, some viewers concluded wrongly that her father would have opposed coronavirus vaccines. It will be Nikesneakers and Smiley shirts. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, By and large, languageis a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres theself-helpsection? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. George Carlin, I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. George Carlin would have been anti-vaccination, she said. RIP George! Johnny Carson Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Press Enter / Return to begin your search. ', Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did., People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think., A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff., Basically just storage for all the stuff you buy but don't need /j, Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away.. According to those who knew them they were one of the great pairings of all time. Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. I didnt bother with him., Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.. George Carlin Theres a humorous side to every situation. Read on for some of George Carlin quotes on death that will make you think. Deal with it.. Carlin was a master of comedy. Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. Near the end of his remarks, Maher invoked the comedian George Carlin, a personal hero whose iconoclastic spirit, he seemed to believe, could never thrive in such a thin-skinned and overly entitled era. I like people who buck the system. Its refreshing to listen to another human being tell you exactly how they feel, even if its 180 degrees removed from what you agree with.. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! I felt it was important that people not use him to undermine what we needed to do to get through this virus, she said. He was 99 percent progressive, said his daughter, but also took some positions that echoed those of conservatives today. There were other court jesters before Carlin and alongside Carlin, but Carlin was more powerful and dangerous to the king, said Journey Gunderson, the executive director of the National Comedy Center, which is home to more than 25,000 items from Carlins archives. Johnny Carson Quotes - BrainyQuote This marriage had gone south long before. But dont participate; it will be your death. Carlin was a complex thinker and he didnt like to adhere to any one ideology or religion. As a subscriber, you have 10 gift articles to give each month. I like people who buck the system. Laugh until you gasp for breath., Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. Its a natural part of life, but it can be difficult to deal with when someone close to us dies. ', By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth., I put a dollar in a change machine. Oh, George, he said, its a good thing youre dead.. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. Teach them to question what they read. It creates a hostile work environment. There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. Always on the hunt for the ultimate playlist, she scours Deezer to find just the right tunes to listen to while working on her creative projects. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts.. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Show Me The Funniest Photo In Your Camera Roll (Closed), Hey Pandas, If You Had The Power To Create One New Law, What Would It Be? F*ck Hope. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. Don't measure your life in money; measure it in time. Thats the problem. George Carlin, I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin, Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking; theywant obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. George Carlin, How can He be perfect? They performed together for some years before Carlin went solo. 0. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the Never join a group that has a name. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be., Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me., How is it possible to have a civil war?, I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to., Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? Ohhh this one made me laugh loud enough to wake up the dog. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure., I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. What happens when comedy outlasts the era it was made for? Whats going on now is not that fight. Today, he said, we live in a world where anybody can really say what they want, whether anyone believes that or not., While Carlin would still probably be dissatisfied with the state of free speech today, Maron said, his barbs would have been aimed at the corporate occupation of discourse, with digital monoliths like Google, Facebook and Twitter dictating how culture thrives and is consumed., And if a comedian wants to claim freedom of speech while using words that others deem hateful, Maron said, you can say them all you want youre probably just going to be hanging around people who enjoy that kind of stuff. George Carlin was Cremated and Ashes scattered. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. So what Im left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I cant quite remember. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote Theres a strange afterlife that Carlin enjoys, not just as a comic but also as a moral compass. High humidity and temperatures in the 90s send millions to the beaches.". They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. George Carlin Quotes (Author of Brain Droppings) In fact the preceding six years of my parents' marriage had consisted entirely of long separations, punctuated by sudden brief reconciliations and occasional sex-fests. Thats the problem. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away. Teach them to question what they read. January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. Your dog thinks you're a god. Hendra, a writer and comedian, talks with Rebecca Roberts about Carlin's life and legacy. You should die first, get it out of the way. Death Funny Belief Sarcasm. Lol, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?, and anyone driving the same speed as you is a copycat /j, Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body., So you're saying that I have to eat joy to be happy? When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. But not solved anything. Youve got to sort through a number of very dated impressions and news stories. You can read more about it and change your preferences, Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. There is nothing wrong with the planet. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. Dont just teach your children to read Teach them to question what they read. He always needs money! Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that., We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Keep your circle small. As those who were closest to him have learned, when he is unable to advocate for himself, he can be made to seem like he supported any opinion at all. The challenge is to find it., and so many oblivious f***s wandering around, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point., Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. Kelly Carlin said she could understand why audiences might long for her fathers particular brand of unvarnished honesty at this moment. The people who can't afford a good education are more likely to join the military in order to further their education, if they survive, Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes., This should be written in every church every temple every house of every god, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? The planet will be here, and we'll be gone. being we're still seeing what happens when you let attention-whores and power mongers do anything they f*****g well want and it's made the world a decidedly shittier place. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? In America, anyone can become president. He was a master of observational humor and his take on death was both hilarious and thought-provoking. What if I want to have a crappy day?, "That'd be easy. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes Theres only the immediate future and the recent past., Electricity is really just organized lightning., If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten., When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands., Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time., Let a smile be your umbrella, and youll end up with a face full of rain., My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. Be the first to learn about new releases! Its still bracing to hear the bitter wordplay in his lament: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it., When he spoke, you always felt like you were hearing the truth, or his truth, said the comedian Bill Burr. Showing 1-30 of 421 The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin tags: humor , insanity , lies , George Carlin on Saturday Night Live in 1975. George Carlin An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. The planet is fine. He always seemed filled with empathy.. But He loves you. 125 Best George Carlin Quotes on Life - Parade What gave him his potency, Gunderson said, was that he turned his standup into a call to action. Carlin, she said, taught everyone where to find the power that they have and encouraged them to use it.. Carlin is a venerated figure in his chosen field who unites performers as disparate as Joe Rogan and Jim Gaffigan, but hes also someone whose influence transcends comedy. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. Hey Pandas, What Is Something That Happened In Your Life That You Wish Happened Again? oh we already do, for a given value of what "christian" represents So, have a little fun. Whats that, a bonus? 0. Save the planet? I mean, life is tough. This is funny, but if the entire plane were engineered the way black boxes are, it would not be able to fly. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. Please dont forget to subscribe to ourRSS-feedor followInspirationfeedonTwitter,Google+,andFacebook! Not that my conception was the tale of two young lovers, carried away by passion and strong wine. In this blog post, QuotesGeeks compiled some George Carlin Quotes about death that will make you cry, and question your own thoughts on the topic. Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. 2. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.. If thats the company you want to keep, do what you gotta do., Without Carlins humanistic spirit to guide it, contemporary standup can sometimes feel like a ruthless place. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept., The planet is fine. He got into comedy in 1960 when he started working with Jack Burns, who soon became his writing partner and best friend. George Carlin Quotes When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. ", Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things., Theres no present. Trouble is, most of them suck., Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out., If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor., One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor., If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?, Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town., The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. The planet isn't goin' anywhere, folks. Theres this fearlessness in comedy now that is so fake, Glaser said. My dad was pro-science, pro-rational thinking, pro-evidence-based medicine. And if they tell you you're not a team player, congratulate them on being observant., I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. Error occurred when generating embed. Wed love your help. His first marriage ended disastrously when his first wife died of a heart attack not long after one of his beatings. Then you live in an old age home. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), I Collected Images Of Celebrities In Their Early Years Of Childhood (35 New Pics). There was a sense of fairness and rooting for the underdog. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity., Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?, That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it., May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house., Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Scratch any cynic, and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. 5 Trans Romance Movies That Get Their Happy Endings (And Where To StreamThem), The Romantic Comedy You Should Watch This Valentines Day, Based On Your ZodiacSign, Valentines Day Streaming Guide: The Best Rom-Coms To Binge On Netflix, HBO Max, AndMore, How Narcissists Use Dog Whistling To Covertly Abuse You: Signs Of This Dangerous ManipulationMethod. I just dont have as many people who believe it., Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. He is a touchstone shared by the psychologist Steven Pinker, the rapper and actor Ice Cube and people on social media who equate the pandemic with George Orwell novels. and so very appropriate post 9-11. Everything He ever makesdies. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. When you die, it all stays here., Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time., Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!, Im always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize Im listening to it., Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Some are funny, some are insightful, but theyre all packed with his typical brutal honesty. It seems only right. George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little., If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff?. Deal with it., People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. You George Carlin That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. We havent tried that for a while. If George Carlin were around now to respond to the questions we have for him, he would have schooled us on both sides and come up with a third-way truth that would have blown our minds, she said. So arrogant. Poor puppy!! But it's really a bizarre activity. But it's so hard not to argue. It's never going to get any better. He would do that every decade or so, said Judd Apatow, the comedian and filmmaker who directed the documentary with Michael Bonfiglio. George Carlin Death Quotes and its their meanings Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. yeah this describes me most days. George Carlin I mean, it doesn't hurt to try ;), Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it., War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die., Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.. The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, What if there were no hypothetical questions? George Carlin, The planet is fine. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. George Carlin. The previous statement is false. Period. Carlin He despised euphemism and the policing of language, reviled what he called the continued puss-ification of the American male and rebuked his countrymen who would trade away a little of their freedom for the feeling the illusion of security.. Several times during the pandemic, Carlin has drawn attention for a routine from his 1999 special, You Are All Diseased, in which he mischievously suggests that a childhood spent swimming in the polluted Hudson River was the reason he didnt catch polio. Maher invoked the comedian George Carlin, And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. Sometimes, all you have to do is get up in the morning. Everyones like, see? And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, Men are from Earth; women are from Earth. I think my dad would say that is dangerous.. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. Then you live in an old age home. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. But the durability of Carlins material can be dangerous, too. "Meow" means - "Come attend my needs hooman! Carlin also didn't like the word "autobiography," but before his death in June 2008, Carlin spent more than 10 years working on a memoir, Last Words, with his longtime friend Tony Hendra. I prefer his quote, everyone appreciates your honesty until your honest. ', He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly., Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that., The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money., Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers., I guess that's why they want to ban abortion, because it's the ones who can't afford to take care of child that it affects. Keep your circle small. Weve added years to life, not life to years.. . He has written many books full of brutally honest sayings and jokes, like Brain Droppings, When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?, Last Words, and more. Carlin, the cantankerous, longhaired sage who used his withering insight and gleefully profane vocabulary to take aim at American hypocrisy, died in 2008. Carlin didnt hesitate to criticize presidents by name Bill Clinton and George W. Bush among them but, more often, he spoke in broader terms and addressed institutional failings. Continue with Recommended Cookies. Its like trying to push back a tidal wave sometimes.. He is widely regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians, one of the first in the 1960s to use profanity in his routines. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling, "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Mans Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order, 50 Times People Were So Surprised With How Perfectly Things Lined Up, They Just Had To Document It, Woman Is Upset That Neighbors Shed Is Too Big, Calls Inspector, Regrets It When They Maliciously Comply, European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions, "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. Ooops! "Read my lips," and "Make my day." George Carlin Quotes on Observation, Death, Comparisons and Dont just teach your children to read. George Carlin Death, Suicide, Stupid Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. In his final book, the posthumously published Last Words, Carlin said about The George Carlin Show, "I had a great time. I never laughed so much, so often, so hard as I did with cast members Alex Rocco, Chris Rich, Tony Starke. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. George Carlin Was Right, About the Death Penalty and Bankers
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